I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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