first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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