Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
