You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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