I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
