Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
