So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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