So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize