we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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