If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize