In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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