I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
