I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize