I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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