Sry I called you an 8
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
