well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
