You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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