I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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