I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
