We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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