so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
