where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
40s are totally the cure
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
