hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
