At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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