one two three fourrrrnication!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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