i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
