Kiss
Puke
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
