I wish I only lived at night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
