I just made out with a guy for $7.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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