I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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