I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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