she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
