no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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