When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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