Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
