so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
