You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize