dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
