tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
