just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
