we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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