Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
