im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
