just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
