Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
