so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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