you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize