He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
