Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
