a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
