At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
