Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize