I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
