This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
