her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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