I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
