This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
