if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
