Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
