So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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