Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
