You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
