If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
