why didn't you poke me back
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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